life. faithful.

Here in Arkansas, it's definitely not spring yet...but there are glimpses of it. The first thing you see are the jonquils, and they seem to pop up out of nowhere. They are bunched across the countryside, along back roads and creek beds, many planted by early settlers to the region and a whole lot of others that have spread through the decades along flood paths.     Then there are the frogs singing at night--not loud yet, but there, calling out with tentative voices. The chickens take notice of the days growing longer and egg production starts to pick back up. They also take notice of the green starting to sprout--oregano is a favorite.   But inevitably, the hint of spring is followed by another freeze. It comes almost every year, the false spring that leads to early buds on trees and the danger of frost killing off the delicate buds. I've heard people talk about how bad the false hope is, how these early nice days only serve to get their hopes up and then the winter retur...

God's chosen people were waiting. God had promised them a Messiah, and they hadn't seen him yet. There were judges and kings and mighty warriors of God, but not the promised one who would come to redeem Israel. They were waiting for the promise to be fulfilled, for the Anointed One to come and bring peace to the earth. They were waiting for God's promised Messiah to come and set up his kingdom, the kingdom that would never end. They waited for a mighty warrior to come and wipe out Israel's enemies. 2 " The people walking in darkness      have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness      a light has dawned. 3  You have enlarged the nation      and increased their joy; they rejoice before you      as people rejoice at the harvest, as warriors rejoice      when dividing the plunder. 4  For as in the day of Midian’s defeat,      you have...

 Israel was in a dark place. They were 1,000 years removed from King David. They had seen their kingdom divided, then absolutely crushed by the Assyrians. The ten tribes of the northern kingdom had been scattered and sent out as exiles. Almost 600 years had passed since they saw Jerusalem captured and Solomon's Temple destroyed by Babylon. They had seen their best and brightest carried off to Babylon to serve in the court of King Nebuchadnezzar. They had been promised a savior, but instead they had seen one conqueror after another come in and crush Jerusalem under his heel. They had been mistreated and scattered. It had been centuries since they had been sent a prophet of God, and their last prophets--Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel...--hadn't had a whole lot of happy news for them. Through it all, though, they had Isaiah's words to cling to. It was a message of a Savior, the One who would be called Mighty God, Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace. They were promised One who woul...

There's beauty in every season, but I think fall is my favorite. Maybe it's the foggy mornings, the clouds hanging low in the hills, making them look like islands floating in a white sea.   Maybe it's the spider webs sparkling in the field in the morning, tiny threads so delicately spread across the grass. Maybe it's the first hint of cool weather, when you're greeted by crisp mornings that pair perfectly with steaming coffee and a front porch swing. Maybe it's because I like the reminder that God uses brokenness. I think fall is His way of showing us that there is beauty in letting go. As the leaves change colors, it's Him whispering, "There is beauty in the endings, too." The greens give way to reds, golds, oranges, and browns as His creation seems to slow just a bit. The leaves fall to the ground and the branches are left bear, stretching--empty--up to the sky. With that, God tells us to bring Him our brokenness, our emptiness, when eve...

The first time I ever remember Pop getting mad at me, I was sitting in a tree. I can't tell you exactly how old I was, but it was early elementary school some time. I was on a limb, wanting to get down, so Pop reached up for me and told me to jump. I wouldn't. He kept telling me to jump, assuring me that he would catch me--I had nothing to worry about. All I needed to do was let go of the limb and push myself forward. Instead, I was in tears, sitting in a tree. No matter how many times Pop assured me that he would catch me, I couldn't do it. He had never let me down, never given me a reason to think he would let me fall. I couldn't just trust him. Trust. That's something I still struggle with, despite all my efforts. I know that God is worthy of my trust. I know His promises are true, and that when His word says that He guides my steps--well, that's true, too. The problem is, I just can't get my feelings to line up with my knowledge. We just fin...

"Those who trust in their wealth are headed for great disappointment, but those who do right will sprout like green leaves in the spring." Proverbs 11:28 Spring doesn't last forever. Life isn't always full of cool breezes, bright sunshine, and new flowers. Instead, spring only comes after the winter. New life only follows after the old life has died. Green leaves come after the cold winds, after the trees have had to stand against the barren winter. Too often, it seems people think the Christian life should be one of ease and comfort. We have the thought that God's promises mean that our reward starts here and now--our work should pay off and our every effort should be blessed. We even hear it preached--God wants us healthy, wealthy, and wise. It's the prosperity gospel in a nutshell. Yes, we are promised new life--but that only comes after the old life has died. We are promised the spring, but that doesn't mean that we won't have to ...

Have you ever prayed for rescue? I don't mean a nice, neat, "Dear God, please help me get through..." prayer wrapped up with a pretty "Amen." I'm talking about a gut-wrenching, tears streaming, no real words forming type of prayer, one without any real sentences and that's poured out in between sobs. I've cried and begged, full of the knowledge of God's power. I know that He is the One who has the ability to control everything that happens around me. If He can speak this universe with all its intricacies into existence, it would be simple for Him to put a stop to whatever it is I'm needing to be rescued from--whether it is physical, emotional, financial, or psychological. I know that He can reach down and pull me out of any bad situation, so I pour out my heart to Him through one of those ugly cries, begging for Him to take away the pain. And if God hears me, if He is truly listening and if He's truly good, He'll swoop in and res...

" Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.) So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one You love is sick.” When He heard this, Jesus said, 'This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.' Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that Lazarus was sick, He stayed where He was two more days, and then He said to His disciples, 'Let us go back to Judea.'" (Matthew 11: 1-7) When Jesus heard that Lazarus was dying, according to our logic He should have immediately gone to heal him. After all, Jesus loved Lazarus, Mary, & Martha. If you love somebody, you want what's best for them. And of course, obviously what was best for Lazarus was to be healed...right? Or at le...

I'm praying one of the hardest prayers for a control freak like me to pray. I say praying, because it's not a “one and done” kind of prayer. It's one of those prayers that I'll have to repeat time and time again—not because I think I need to repeat it for God's sake, but because it will take repetition to get it through my own thick skull and heavily guarded heart. God, let my pride take a backseat to Your purpose. Since I was little, I've wanted God to use me. I listened to missionaries talk about their time in exotic countries; I worked VBS on a regular basis; I went on mission trips with the KS-NE Acteens to Wyoming and Tennessee. I dreamed of being the one in the field, of living in a grass hut somewhere far away, of having a Story (with a capital S) and doing the Hard Things. I wanted--still want--the adventures. The thing is, not everyone does the big things. Sometimes, the hard thing is to be right here in the middle of your own story (l...

I didn't want to write this blog post. Well, that's not entirely true. At first when I read the verse, I knew it needed to be a post. But when I started thinking about why it needed to be a post, I didn't want to write it anymore. It hit a little too close to home—honestly, it stepped on my toes and I just didn't want to have to admit it. I started reading Revelation again. I've tried it before, and it's just plain hard to muddle through. There's so much stuffed in that book, and a lot of it goes over my head or seems to be just out of my grasp. There's this crazy thing that happens when you read the Scriptures, though. Even the stuff that's so dense that you just can't understand has some little nugget hidden in there that can hit you in the gut. Can you tell I'm procrastinating? I really don't want to have to write this. I even changed what I was writing in my notebook and started writing my thoughts as a prayer instea...

If I step back and take a look at the majority of struggles in my life, they all seem to have a common cause: I want to be in control of my life. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy spontaneity. I'm all for taking a trip at the drop of a hat; I rarely order the same thing off a menu twice; I'll try just about any adventure you can dream up. But being spontaneous from time to time doesn't change the fact that I've had a 5-year plan from the time I was 5 years old. I always want to know all the answers. I didn't want to start Kindergarten at Green Forest because we had just moved from Bentonville and I didn't know my new address--I didn't know the answers. Wanting to know the answers isn't a bad trait in and of itself. After all, that is what led to my studies in physics. It's also what pushed me to dive deeper into my faith, to know what was underneath all the "Sunday School Answers." But the thing is, I want all the answers--and in adva...

So...life. I have to tell you, sometimes I really don't understand it. Just when it seems things are headed one direction, a bend in the road suddenly reveals a road block. Sometimes a road block is an attack from the enemy, something he throws in the way to keep you from accomplishing what has been planned for you. When that's the case, it's our job to keep pushing--to find some way to break past the road block and get back on the right road. In those cases, we need to fight with everything we have to move the road block out of the way. Other times, a road block is something God puts in the road to show you that you're headed the wrong direction. When that's the case, we have to back up and figure out where we took a wrong turn so that we can get back on track. We have to stop pushing and realize that that road is being blocked for a reason. The problems start when you can't figure out which side created the road block. Sometimes, no matter how ofte...

I pulled out my quote notebook this morning (yes, I have an entire notebook dedicated to the quotes I find and love and just have to write down somewhere--doesn't everybody do that?). I was looking for a very specific quote, and I had a post planned that would fit nicely with it. The thing is, my quotes aren't organized. Kind of like in my life, physics and writing and Bible verses are all jumbled together with no real rhyme or reason. I can usually remember which side of the page a specific quote is on, but that still means I have to scan through at least half the book before I can find what I'm looking for. This morning, while looking for the Mark Twain quote I was going to write about, I came across this: The LORD will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, O LORD, endures forever-- do not abandon the works of Your hands. ~Psalm 138:8 I've struggled a lot with not knowing what's in store for me. Here in just over a month, I'll finish my Mas...

On the ground looking up, the sky was gray and dreary. The forecast was calling for thunderstorms with damage possible from hail and wind gusts. It looked like it could get rough, something every farmer was hurrying to get ahead of. It was supposed to be time for the sunrise, but the clouds kept it hidden from view. We flew up into those clouds, and the pilot warned that we were about to hit some weather. Out the window, all you could see was gray. But then, we passed through the clouds. The sky all around was bright blue, the sun shining so brightly that it was almost blinding to look out the window. Below us were those clouds, the ones that seemed so dreary from below. From above, they were thick and fluffy and white, the sun reflecting off them with a brightness seldom seen from the ground. In the midst of the storm it was ugly, but above the storm there was incredible beauty. It didn't stop with the fluffy clouds, though. We rose higher, and the clouds spread to f...

For those who really know me (or those who have been reading this blog for a while), this will come as no surprise: I like to be in control of things, to know just how everything is going to work out. I like to have a plan. If you ask my mom, she'll probably tell you that my mantra has always been, " I can do it myself ." I have always been an incredibly independent person. I can usually figure my way through a difficult situation, and I've always taken pride in that. I don't like to ask for help--I'm perfectly capable of working things out for myself, thank you. Only, sometimes I'm not. That's something that has taken me a long time to be able to admit (and something I'm still working on, to be honest). I've always tried to be strong, to stand on my own two feet and face whatever life throws at me. The thing is, that's not what God wants from me. God doesn't want my strength, because He has more than enough of His o...

Follow. Back in January, I wrote about how that was my "one word" for 2013. I have to admit, there are certain connotations to the word follow, not the least of which is the idea that if you are going to be following someone you're going somewhere. You're moving forward, making progress--    or at least just plain moving . What happens, though, when you are standing still? Or more than that, how do you follow when you've been knocked flat on your face? Everyone talks about the "Christian walk." I don't know about you, but when I hear that phrase it makes me think of an evening stroll down a well-beaten path. You know, one of those walks where there's plenty of time to look around and soak in the sights and sounds, to feel the gentle breeze against your face as you catch the beauty of a sunset. Maybe even throw in some woodland creatures scampering nearby--you know, Snow White style. (c) Disney I've found, though, that that phra...

I have this trait that anybody who knows me is very familiar with: I don't like to fail. For the most part, this trait has served me well. It has kept me pushing forward striving for something better working hard accomplishing things I never thought possible Lately, though, it seems this trait has developed a dark side...an evil twin, if you will. See, I look at all the things that are unfinished right now: ~laundry ~dishes ~thread crochet I've been working on for my mom for somewhere around...3 years now ~multiple scarves ~a wedding present ~a story ~query letters ~oh yeah--homework... (I took some pictures to put here, but for some reason blogger won't let me upload them...gonna have to try and update this when that will work...) I see all those things and that evil twin starts saying, "Look at all the ways you're failing right now...there's not even one thing you're getting finished! You're in way over your head." That...