life. faithful.

 My oldest daughter is an artist. She has a sketchbook with her at pretty much all times, and she has the kind of skill that is unimaginable to me. She studies the techniques of others all the time, and right now she's teaching herself animation. Her goal is to one day make children's television programs, shows that parents will know are safe for their kids and teach traditional values. She's graduating next month, so she's being asked all the time what her plans are for college. I've listened to her tell people many times, and it makes me sad. I finally asked her to do me a favor the other day: "Please stop apologizing when you tell people what you're going to study." I think it caught her a little off guard, but her response? It was something along the lines of, "But Mom, I'm going to be an art major . That's who all the jokes are about." I asked her what I thought of at the time: "Are you making the decision that you think God...

I was listening to a message given by Nabeel Qureshi, a man who was raised a devout Muslim and later came to know Jesus not as a distant, promised Messiah in Islam but as the personal, crucified, and resurrected Messiah of Christianity. He was talking about the heart-wrenching moment when he told his parents he had converted to Christianity and watched it break their hearts. He spoke of how he fell to his knees after they left, crying out to God, asking why he hadn't just been allowed to die when he first believed because it would have saved him and his parents so much pain. He said that he then heard a Voice say, "Because this is not about you." Those words struck me. Not because I have a testimony like Nabeel's... but because I don't. It's something I've struggled with for a long time, and something a lot of us who were brought up in the church have struggled with. We hear dramatic testimonies--people who were in dark, dangerous places who experience Go...

 For a while, there was a group of bloggers who talked a lot about "God sized dreams." The idea was a good one--we serve a big God, so why shouldn't we have big dreams? It seemed like an obvious connection, especially to me. At the time, I was searching for what my future should be. I had started teaching, but I was drowning in my first year (an incredibly common thing, but that didn't make it any easier at the time). I was debating graduate school... then deeply entrenched in grad school... then changing programs... then teaching again... The list could go on, as I'm sure it could for you. The main thing, though, was that I was absolutely convinced that if I believed in a big God, I needed to have a big dream. After all, as God's people we're called to live out His plan for our life, right? That same topic has come up again lately for me. I listen to Dr. David Jeremiah's radio show on my way to work in the mornings, and lately he's been talking ab...

I've written before about how different songs have had an impact on different phases on my life. Music has always been a huge part of my life, starting with the songs my mom and her mom taught me when I was little— The B-I-B-L-E, He's Still Working on Me, Mares-e-dotes, Sunbeam, Jesus Loves Me... the list could go on for a while. In school, my first heartbreak came when I didn't make the elementary choir in 5 th grade and one of my proudest moments came when my high school choir teacher looked at me in shock during my audition one year and asked, “Where did that come from?” Music has a way of reaching all the way to my heart. I've fallen to my knees listening to a worship song that broke me, I've been lifted high by another that made my heart soar. I've had songs of all genres made a difference in my life. My now husband but then boyfriend told me how he felt about me with Coldplay's Yellow. I've sung along with songs that said what I couldn...

Dear Senior of 2016, Well, you've made it--"finally" is usually the word that follows that statement, breathed out in a sigh. And now, you face the question that everybody and their brother seems to be asking: What are you going to do with your life? from venturebeat.com You may have something planned. You might be like me, and have a plan all laid out for the next 5 or 10 years. Or maybe not. You might not know what you're doing this summer, let alone next fall or 5 years from now. Either way, I would like to share a few things with you that I wish I had realized 14 years ago when I graduated (wow--that sure seems a lot longer when I see it written down). People may have told me all of the stuff I'm going to tell you, but if they did I was too busy being sure that I was a grown up and knew what I was doing to truly listen to them. Be smarter than I was. So, here are a few things I would tell you if we were sitting across from eac...

People may be right in their own eyes, but the LORD examines their heart. ~Proverbs 21:2 Sometimes, that verse isn't a comfort. Sometimes, it's a reminder that we can't be fake because God knows when we're just going through the motions instead of giving our whole heart. Sometimes, knowing that God is seeing your heart is an uncomfortable feeling. At first glance, that's all this verse is saying--that God knows our intentions. Like so many verses, though, if you read it again you might get a different meaning. Let's pull another verse into the mix: Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart. ~Psalm 37:4 Maybe there's more to that verse from Proverbs than meets the eye. Maybe, when you link it with the verse from Psalm, it takes on a more comforting meaning. God knows your heart, which means that He knows you better than anyone else in all of creation--even including yourself. If He examines your heart, ...

Have you ever looked around at your life and wondered, "How in the world did I get here?" I know I have--please tell me I'm not alone! I'm a planner and always have been, one of those girls who probably had a 5-year plan in kindergarten. I've made to-do lists and written out my goals (long term and short term, many times) and I've always known that things were supposed to work out just so . For some reason, though, life has had a funny way of messing up my plans in the last 10 years. When I look around today, there's really not much that looks like the picture I had planned. I never in my life dreamed of getting my Bachelor's degree in physics. I didn't see myself still in school the year I turn 30. I didn't see us living in a rented house 10 years into our marriage. I didn't see myself working on a Master's in diagnostic medical physics. I didn't see old furniture (as in, already old when we bought it in 2005). I didn...

"I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes and dreamer of improbable dreams." ~Doctor Who It's a strange thing when the two sides of your personality are diametrically opposed. Before you feel the need to call in the white coats for me, let me explain: I'm not talking about split personalities or anything like that (though when I write that may be questionable). What I'm talking about is the Dreamer-- the one always ready for an adventure, straining to fly when she's told she can't-- in constant competition with the Realist-- the logical one, the one whose feet are planted firmly on the ground, the one who wants constancy. The Realist is the one who got a BS in physics, taught science to 7th grade and up, and who now sits through classes in medical physics. She is the one who does homework, albeit the night before it is due. The Realist is the one who makes the "smart" choices, like grad school and sensible sho...

"That's not really my thing, but it's neat that you wrote a book!" It's always said with a smile, and I'm sure the people saying it are genuinely being nice, but every time I hear those words it stings a little. There's a tiny place in my heart that breaks just a bit more. We start out on fairy tales--cut our teeth, so to speak, on stories of magic, sword fights, and adventure. They are the stories that fuel young imaginations, that bring a hopeful twinkle to bright, eager eyes. Tales of fantasy inspire dreams and encourage dreamers. Why, then, do we have such an aversion to them when we "grow up"? I know I don't help matters any. When someone asks me about my story THE PROPHECY I stammer and stutter. I mutter out something along the lines of, "Oh, it's just a fantasy--you know, kings and sword fights and magic and that sort of thing." Then I change the subject as quickly as possible. Mostly it's because I am inc...

Have you ever wanted something so bad you could taste it? I've felt that way a few times in my life, probably few enough that I could count those wants on one hand. I want to write, and I've known that for a while. It wasn't something I grew up wanting--I always wrote, whether it was a journal or a story, but writing wasn't something I thought I would want to do. Partly because writing isn't the steady, dependable, respectable job I figured I would have. It is flighty...artsy...basically everything my analytical mind told me was a bad choice for a career. Here I am, though, getting ever closer to what is definitely a good career choice, and more and more I find myself wanting to write. I write during my lunch break, tucking myself away in a corner with a good cup of coffee, a pen, and my notebook (yes, the paper kind. For some reason I'm still not a computer person for the most part), and I forget about the real world and lose myself in a dream world of...

Yesterday was one of those days. You know, one that had me questioning what I'm doing trying to survive in this insanely rational and analytical world of physics... a world so different from any I would have ever pictured myself in... a world light-years away from where I thought I would be... and most of all, a world not really conducive to this dream of writing that still tugs at my heart on a daily basis. It started when I sat down to write out my Quantum homework problems--and didn't get any further than copying them out of the book because then I just stared at them with no idea how to get started. It went on with Electrodynamics and talk of dielectrics and electric fields, and how when you are trying to find the electric field you need epsilon to be the same in both regions, but the permittivity of a dielectric is definitely not the same as the permittivity of empty space but that's okay because we can simply "imagine" the substitution of a new die...

**This post is part of the weekly link up over at the Faith Barista . The topic for today is, quite simply, "Jesus." One of the bloggers I read was talking about being challenged by another fellow blogger to answer one simple yet profound question: How does Jesus see you? Here's her beautiful answer to that question--you should hop over and take a look! The question immediately caught my attention, basically reaching out to grab me, shake me, and say, "I'm meant for you!" So here I am, my mind rolling over all the crazy thoughts popping up. What's easy to tell you ("easy" is used a bit loosely here!) is how I would see my if I were sitting in Jesus's seat next to the Father and looking down here. What jumps to my mind first are all the flaws: my temper overly sensitive unforgiving definitely not Susie Homemaker impatient a procrastinator never exercises untrusting ...the list could go on, but that's probably enough (I w...

I had every intention of getting back into the swing of things here on the blog in 2013 after letting it drift almost into oblivion towards the end of 2012... Best laid plans of mice and men, i suppose... Well, that aside, I've done some thinking about my word, follow. It seems rules/plans/goals fit nicely into groups of 3 for some reason, so I've come up with the 3 ways I need to focus on following this year. 1) Follow my Savior "When Jesus spoke again to the people, He said, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'" (John 8:12) ~We are told many times to follow Christ. That needs to be my number one focus this year, because even though I know to the very core of my being that that should be my first priority and that everything else will fall into place so much easier if I put that goal first              so many times it falls by the wayside      ...

What do you do when you're totally level-headed, feet planted firmly on the ground,      but your heart wants to fly? I've always been a realist. You know the type--always saying things like, "That would be great, but it's just not plausible." I'm in grad school for physics--good grief, how much more realistic can you get? When I get my degree in a few years and go back out to the real world, I'll have lots of doors opening for me. There will be good pay, regular hours, and everything that goes with those. My kids will be well provided for, my husband will finally be able to pursue his dreams, I'll be doing something that I know helps people, and I'll finally be able to pay back, in some small way, all those who have given so much to get me to this place. My brain sees all those things as good (well, duh--why wouldn't it?). The journey is all mapped out, and all the steps lead across solid ground. Sure there is the possibility for t...

Things are crazy right now. Classes are insanely hard (when Dr. Musser told me grad school would knock me off my feet, he definitely knew what he was talking about...). Nathan is sick, and has been for about a week. Kids are just plain crazy, as would be expected of a 3 year old and an almost 6 year old ( hard to believe my baby girl is going to be 6 in 2 months! ).   I crochet anytime we're watching t.v. (in part because it keeps me awake). When I get a spare minute, I try to write on the second part of my Sons of Tundyel story. I'm attempting to put together query letters and submissions to send out the first part of my story.      As an aside, according to his biography on Acheivement.org John Grisham's first novel, A Time to Kill, was rejected by 28 publishers before being given a chance by an unknown publishing house. It sold 5,000 copies. His next book was The Firm and it sold more than 7 million copies and spent 47 weeks on the best selle...

...and a beg for prayers, actually. First off, I make my first attempt at the PhD qualifying exam tomorrow. That's not a huge deal, though, because this first attempt is a freebie and doesn't count against me if (read as "when") I mess up on it. I'm still a bit nervous about it, though, so prayers for calmness tomorrow would be greatly appreciated. Along the same lines, I have my oral qualifier on Monday, so those prayers would be great then, too! What really has me asking for prayers, though, is what also has my hands shaking as I type (which, as you can imagine, makes things a bit difficult). I just took a huge leap of faith and sent off a query letter for my story. It will be a couple weeks before I hear anything and it is completely out of my hands now, I know, but that doesn't stop my nerves... This is a huge step on my path to chasing my dreams...I'm both hopeful and scared to death right now, I can assure you. Never in my life have I experi...