life. faithful.

Here in our little corner of the world, it usually seems a bit like paradise. We're tucked into the hills and the woods, and you can't look out without noticing God's beauty. Right now, though, sometimes it's hard to see the beauty. Like right now--we haven't had rain in about a month, and the ground is so dry that it is cracking.  The small creek that runs through our property is the lowest I've seen it in all the time we've lived here.  This time of the year is normally hot (typically with highs in the mid to upper 80s), but this year we've had highs in the mid to upper 90s. Our cows are never still, roaming over every inch of of property looking for grass. It's so dry that we had to feed hay this week, in the first week of July, and that was only because a neighbor told us he could spare two bales--no more because he doesn't know when he will have to start feeding his own cows.  Our driveway is nothing but powder. When we drive down our dirt ...

 More--do more, be more, have more. It's all around us all the time, pushing us to push harder, that constant feeling that it's simply not enough . Do you hear that voice in the back of your head like I do? Call it perfectionism, imposter syndrome... or just be honest and call it insecurity. The feeling that I'm just not enough is something I've dealt with my whole life. Every grade, every project, should have been better. Every meal cooked or room cleaned. Every important conversation with one of my kids. Every gift given. Every accolade won. Every promise made. All of it should have somehow been more... I should somehow be more, fit more into every day, figure out how to give my kids more. I should be able to be the best at work and give more, then turn around and be the best at home and make sure my house looks like the magazines (or at least like a tornado hasn't just come through the living room), then keep the farm running. I should be able to find a way to h...

 Dear God, I'll be honest--this world my kids are in? It's a hard place. There's so much darkness and it seems to be growing. It's nothing like the world I expected to be raising my kids in and nothing like the world I was used to. Hatred and division is running rampant and somehow it is all around the world all at the same time. Confusion and fear are widespread and it seems like that's all that's being pushed. I can't help but see glimpses of Revelation in the world, and it worries me. Not because I'm worried about the ultimate outcome--You've known the end since the beginning, and You hold everything in Your hand. But somehow while I know that, I have a hard time entrusting my kids to You. It doesn't make sense, I know. Logically I understand that they are Yours and that You love them so much more than I could ever imagine. But You know that control issue thing that I have? It kicks in pretty hard when it comes to my kids, and it's incredi...

1. God is still God. He is still on His throne, unshaken by what happens. Nothing takes Him by surprise and nothing is out of His control. 2. Right and wrong aren't subjective. 3. No matter how dark it is, the darkness can never drive away the light. In fact, a tiny flame can more easily be seen when it is shining in the dark than in the light of day. 4. God still uses refining fires. It's the hard times that expose and burn off all the things we need to get rid of so we can better reflect God. 5. Lies don't have to be silenced because they will always be exposed. What people fight to silence is the inconvenient truth. 6. Eventually, God's patience ends. He is love and bears with us longer than we deserve, but there always comes a time of judgment. 7. "Praise the name of God forever and ever, for all wisdom and power belong to Him. He sets in motion the times and the ages; He deposes kings and installs others; He gives wisdom to the wise and grants knowledge to tho...

 I know I should trust You. I know Your promises are true. I know You are ultimately in control of everything happening in this world. Sometimes, though, it's just so hard. Even though I know it never works out when I do, there's still a part of me that wants to try to control all the things. I look at the world around me and see it spinning out of control in a way I never would have imagined seeing just a few years ago. My nature is to try to reach out and stabilize everything I can, to attempt to keep "me and mine" from being thrown off-kilter. I start thinking that if I can just do enough, plan enough, and prepare enough, I'll be able to hold things in place for the people I love. It's not like I don't know better. I've watched some of my best laid plans go up in smoke. I've tried desperately to cling to things and had them slip through my fingers. I've begged and pleaded for You to just do things the way I expect only to sit back in disbel...

The United States is headed down a very dark and dangerous path. It's nothing new--we've been moving that direction for decades--but it sure seems like we've gone into free fall with the things that are going on right now. Though many would have us believe otherwise, the United States was founded as a nation whose goal was to please God. This was a country established on a declared dependence on God the Creator and on the idea that our rights are not dependent on something being granted by an earthly government, but instead they are granted solely by the One who created us. The Declaration of Independence states clearly that our pledge to each other is made possible only by " a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence." Let me be clear here--I fully believe that Israel is God's chosen nation. I don't pretend that the United States has taken that place; God made a promise to bless Abraham, and His promises are never broken. However, I also fully...

We've got a lot going on in our life right now (things I'll go into in more detail later), big changes that are setting our path for the future. And as always seems to be the case, we've got stuff piling up. The last few days have been trying for our family--capped by my niece getting injured in a freak accident with a barn door. I went to bed last night quite simply worn down. My mind was racing with a hundred different things and I really can't tell you how many times I woke up through the night. But then came the morning. One of the things that had gotten piled on was minor, especially in the face of everything else, but it definitely felt like a big deal. Our dryer simply stopped working yesterday. No light inside, no attempt to start when I pushed the button (no matter the setting), no breaker tripped--just nothing. Not a huge thing in the grand scheme of things, but a sizable frustration and inconvenience when it was the proverbial "straw that broke the...

We are living in strange times. I never imagined that the world would be in such a state of lockdown, and I honestly don't understand what we're seeing. Things don't make sense, and it's easy to get lost in a state of fear and confusion. We don't know what tomorrow is going to bring, let alone how life is going to look in a month's time. There are so many unknowns that most of the time I don't even know where to start listing them. Fear is a crazy thing. It's one of those feelings that starts a spiral--a little bit leads to more and more, and before you know it your mind is consumed with it. You start to lose sight of all the blessings and promises and get pulled down so far into the dark that you start thinking the light is gone for good. Despite the unknowns in the world around us right now, all of this is known to God. He knows exactly how things are going to turn out, and He hasn't forgotten us or left us to fend for ourselves. After a...

So...how's life? If you turn on the t.v. or computer (and who doesn't right now?), you gt the idea that the whole world is falling apart and out of control. One day last week, I could feel the anxiety. My heart rate, which is naturally fast already, was racing. My blood pressure was up. It felt like I was all tied up in knots with a million questions racing through my mind: What's the best way to make sure our food lasts as long as possible? How do we keep the kids in some sort of "school" mindset? Am I getting all my work done without my trusty whiteboard (my absolute favorite thing about my office--yes, I'm that kind of nerd) there to show me my to-do list? Where would be the best place to plant a garden? Even if this crazy time comes to an end soon and things get back to "normal", it's helped me realize just how important it is for us to make our farm self-sustaining for the future. What are the farm projects we need to do and have the ...

Fear is a dangerous thing--partly because it's so sneaky. It creeps in through the weak spots and quickly spreads; wrapping its tendrils around everything and choking out all rational thought. So often, we get sucked into the hysteria and the chaos around us and the fear spreads. Right now, fear and hysteria are spreading like wildfires. The media is feed our fears--and feeding off of our fears. As a result, fear is becoming so widespread that it's taking over every aspect of life. People aren't making rational decisions (stocking up on toilet paper for an overwhelmingly mild respiratory virus?). College athletes who have realized life-long dreams of making it to the national tournament are now being told they won't be playing. Entire schools, cities, and countries are going into lockdown. So what are we supposed to do? In the face of such widespread panic, how are followers of Christ supposed to react? First, let me say that the science available on this virus ...

"Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." "Chase your dreams." "Go after what you want!" We hear it all the time, encouragement to chase after our dreams and keep pushing until we get what we're running after. It's the American Dream that everyone wants, right? Work hard enough, for long enough, and don't ever stop setting goals that are bigger and better and you'll get everything. Yet time and time again, the news is filled with stories of people who seemed to have everything...but no matter how much they chased after all the things and met all the goals and found reward on a large scale, their lives felt so empty and meaningless that they thought the only fix was to end it. I have to admit, I fall into the trap of thinking that if I can just make it to that next goal, just earn that next thing on the list, things will get easier and happiness will be a given. I stress and strive and work to make sure that "I can do it ...

Dear God, I hear You--really, I do. I'm sorry that I haven't been listening, but thank You for repeating Yourself over and over (and over...) so that it finally got through my thick skull. Remember, I tend to be a " lesson from a 2x4 " girl. The subtle stuff tends to get lost on me, even though it would be a lot easier if I could just learn to hear You when You whisper. You keep telling me to let go, and I don't know why I find that so incredibly hard to do. Everything and everyone around me lately is reminding me that I need to stop worrying and start trusting. I know You're greater than anything I can imagine. I know that Your promises are true. I know all the right words and all the Sunday School answers... ...but I've realized that I must not truly know You, because I haven't been truly trusting You. If I knew You, I would know that my fears are pointless and unfounded. I would know that You have me --You've written me on the palms...

I'm a stubborn and highly independent person. I want to always be able to do everything myself, and I've been that way since I was little. I hate having to rely on anybody else for anything--if I'm not capable of taking care of whatever needs to be done on my own, then I make it my goal to figure out how to do it. Sometimes that's a good thing. Sometimes, though, it gets me into trouble. I've talked quite a bit about how I have a hard time trusting. The thing is, lately I've realized that my issue isn't with trust, exactly. Instead, what I have a hard time doing is giving up control. When things start to go wrong, I grab on a little tighter. When life knocks me for a loop and I slide down to the end of my rope, I put all my strength into holding on with everything I've got. But what if I'm not supposed to hold on? We drive by Rule Baptist Church on Sunday mornings, and last week this is what their sign says: At the end of your rope is t...