Wednesday, April 17, 2013

she gets that from me

Raiden's school had a 2-hour delay this morning (something I really don't get--wouldn't it make more sense to send a bunch of rowdy kids home 2 hours early instead of having them come to school 2 hours late?) and surprisingly we got around early today. So after we dropped Conan off at daycare, we had a few minutes before I could drop Raiden off at school at 10:45. I thought it would be nice to take Raiden through the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru to get her a doughnut. Because nothing beats a fresh doughnut before school.

She thought it was a great suggestion. Whe had black uniform pants and a crochet capelet with a black background, so she didn't want anything messy. No problem--a plain glazed doughnut would be the perfect choice, right?

Wrong, apparently.

She immediately started complaining that that wasn't the kind of doughnut she wanted, which led to me pulling out of the drive-thru line (actually backing out, much to the surprise of the man in the vehicle behind me who looked at me as if I were crazy), which led to her pouting and heaving this huge, dramatic sigh that makes me nuts, which in turn led to her earning a lecture on the way to school about how she should be thankful that someone is doing something nice for her instead of griping that it wasn't exactly what she wanted, and how she chooses how she reacts to things.

And in the middle of my lecture, I heard myself: my voice too sharp and too loud for the car, overreacting to her reaction and getting on to her for responding in the wrong way by doing the exact same thing.

I wish I could say it was a one-time thing, but to be honest as she gets older
 and more opinionated 
and determined 
and hard-headed 
and confident 
and stubborn 
and like her mother
I find that happening more and more othen.

Yes, I was right to correct her, but I was wrong in how I did it.

I get on to her for using a specific tone of voice with her brother, then later hear the same ugly tone coming from my mouth. I snap at her for snapping out in anger or frustration at somebody else. I hear something come out of her mouth and cringe because I know she heard it from me.

My daughter is learning so much from me, but unfortunately she learns the bad stuff right along with the good. So when we get home this evening, I'm going to apologize for doing the very thing I was getting on to her about. I'm going to do my best to explain that we have to work our whole life to get rid of the bad parts of our attitude that we don't like, and ask her forgiveness for my hypocrisy (and I'll probably even use that word, because a love of words is one of the good things she has inherited from her mother).
5 years ago...*sigh*


And I'll say a prayer that she learns something good from me today to follow up the bad lesson from this morning.

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Thoughts? I would love to hear them!
~Mandy