what happens when we let Jesus down?

At church, we've been working on a chronological reading of the Bible. I was supposed to be a 1-year journey, but...we've been working on it for quite a while now. If I'm remembering right, we're heading into our third year.

So anyways, we've made our way up to the resurrection. In Luke 24, we're told that the women went to the tomb and found it empty. When they ran back to tell the eleven that Jesus's body wasn't in the tomb, the disciples didn't believe them. But Peter...he ran to the tomb.

A lot can be said about Peter (I've said quite a bit myself, including in my devotional--I think I identify with him more than I might want to admit). In this moment, I can only imagine what was going through Peter's head. Go back a couple days, and you find Peter standing his ground next to Jesus, ready to die by the sword for Him if necessary. He drew his sword--then Peter watched Jesus reattach a man's ear, and he followed the crowd to Ciaphas's house for Jesus to stand trial.

Think about that confusion for a second. Peter was ready to die for Jesus. Then he saw Jesus heal an ear that had been cut off. I imagine, as he followed the crowd that night, that Peter expected the ear to be just the start of Jesus's revelation of power. After all, Jesus had just talked about having legions of angels at His beck and call. Dealing with a few Pharisees wouldn't be a big deal.

And then came the denials. I think Peter was watching from a distance because he expected to see Jesus call down those 12 legions of angels He had mentioned in the garden.

But He didn't.

While he was watching the trial, Peter started getting nervous. Nothing spectacular was happening, the way Peter had expected. Instead, people started connecting Peter to the man being treated as a criminal.

So Peter did what many of us in our human weakness do--he distanced himself from Christ. He didn't want to be associated with Him--in that moment, it was too big a risk. And then it happened again...and again.

3 times, Peter denied even so much as a knowledge of who Jesus was. The last time, when he was in the middle of saying, "I have no idea what you're talking about," a rooster crowed.

Backtrack again, and you have a conversation between Jesus and His disciples as they were sitting around the table for Passover. Jesus singled Peter out to encourage him. He told Peter,

"Simon, Simon, how Satan has pursued you,

that he might make you part of his harvest.

But I have prayed for you.

I have prayed that your faith will hold firm

and that you will recover from your failure

and become a source of strength for your brothers here."

(Luke 22:31-32)

Peter, the calm, thoughtful man that he was, responded with (from The Voice, because I really like their take on this): 

"Lord, what are You talking about?

I'm going all the way to the end with You--

to prison, to execution--

I'm prepared to do anything for You."

(verse 33)

I can see the expression on Jesus's face as He smiled a sad smile and shook His head. He told Peter that that very night, before the rooster crowed in the morning, Peter would deny Him 3 times.

And now here's Peter, standing on the outskirts of the trial, telling people he didn't even know who Jesus was.

"And he hadn't even finished the sentence when a nearby rooster crowed.

The Lord turned toward Peter, and their eyes met."

(verse 61a)

In the middle of His trial, the moment Jesus knew would lead to His death, Jesus found Peter in the crowd.

Can you imagine what had to be happening in Peter's mind right then? It was hard enough hearing the rooster crow in the middle of his third denial. But then, Jesus looked at him. Jesus found Peter in the middle of the crowd, in the middle of what was arguably Peter's worst moment, and their eyes 

met.

So when Peter heard that Jesus's body wasn't in the tomb, he ran to see for himself. We aren't told a whole lot about what happened to Peter right after that moment, but I can imagine what I would have been thinking. 

• I would have been thinking that the last time I saw Jesus, He knew I was denying Him.
• I would have been thinking about how much I had let Him down, and how I had blown my chance to stand with Him at His worst time.
• I would have been thinking about my own failure, and how things hadn't gone according to my plans, and wondering how anything would work out the way Jesus had promised.

It's easy to feel like you've let God down. In fact, if we're honest we probably feel that way on a daily basis. I think it's important to remember, though, that even in our worst moments, Jesus sees us. He takes the time to find us in the crowd and to make sure we know we are still connected to Him.

"If we are unfaithful,

He remains faithful,

For He is not able to deny Himself."

(II Timothy 2:13)