Skip to main content

struggling with not knowing

what in the world do i want to do with my life?
that's a question i thought had been answered already, but now i don't know.
so far, nothing has worked out the way i thought it would.

i know God is in control of my life, that He has everything mapped out and knows exactly what i'm going to do. 
i know He has plans for me that i could never imagine.
i know that i'm not in control (gasp!), nor do i need to be.

the thing is, i really wish He would give me a glimpse of the road ahead!

this is a constant struggle for me, and it's getting really hard again right now, this not knowing. 
i've had opportunities come along that i've been certain were God's doing. it isn't that i don't think that now--i still do--it's just that i wish i could see the purpose behind them. obviously, it wasn't what i thought it was at the time.


everything is kind of starting to pile up right now. there are big decisions that have to be made soon, decisions that will impact many people and that will affect my family's life both short term and for years down the road.


the problem is, not all the information is in yet.


i have this crazy trait: i don't like making decisions, especially life-changing decisions, when i don't have all the data available to me. 
i like to be able to pour over all the possibilities, weigh the pros and cons.


i guess it all comes back to that whole "faithful" thing.
if i'm going to step out of the boat, it isn't going to do me any good to analyze all the data anyways. if i did, i would just come to the conclusion that walking on water is so improbable as to be impossible (sorry--the quantum mechanics stuff is coming out...technically it would have to be possible...i know, you don't want physics!).


maybe that's the case with whatever is coming in my future. God knows me, so He knows how i would most likely (<--ha! who am i kidding?) over analyze the data and come to my own conclusion that what He has planned for my future is impossible.


so, i'm going to choose to accept the things i've been through--
the joys
the heartbreaks
the blessings
the disappointments--
and see them as preparation for the things to come.


whatever they may be.

Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Thoughts? I would love to hear them!
~Mandy

Popular posts from this blog

what's next?

My husband and I were talking to our kids the other day about how important it is for them to learn to stand for their beliefs and live the life God has called them to now, while it is easy. We were talking about how one day in the future, they will most likely be forced to either cave to the world or stand for God, and in that moment the decision will mean a whole lot more than just social standing. Right now, Christians in the United States have been given a reprieve. The election of Trump was honestly not something I expected. I've written for quite a few years now about the decline of our nation, and I know I'm not the first--or only--one to point out the downward spiral of morality that we've been seeing for decades. As a nation founded by men who claimed the protection of God, I truly believe we chose to be held to the standards of the covenants we entered. God keeps His side of His promises--the good and the bad. That means that broken covenants have consequences. Wh...
Post a Comment
Read more

light

  Our nation--and our world--is in a very dark place right now. Everywhere you turn, you see chaos, confusion, fear, despair, loss, and hopelessness. People are lost. People are broken. People are living with shame and regret, desperate to hide the parts of themselves they are afraid for other people to see. In their desperation to hide, they are running toward the darkness... " Still some people preferred the darkness over the light because their actions were dark. Some of humankind hated the light. They scampered hurriedly back into the darkness where vices thrive and wickedness flourishes." (John 3:19b & 20) When people are ashamed of their actions, they hide them in the dark. They don't want them exposed to the world--it would be embarrassing, humiliating for people to see all the things better left hidden. They cling to the darkness because they are afraid of what will happen if light shines on the things they are ashamed of. People fear things they don't kn...
Post a Comment
Read more

Stand up and speak

 Pastor Allen Jackson recently said, "I think when you accept your Christian identity card for the Kingdom, you forfeit your neutrality with evil." In my writing here, I haven't been very vocal when it comes to politics. A quick count based on the "politics" tag shows 37 of 409 posts, so 9% through the years. Of those, I've been pretty diplomatic in my writing--encouraging you to do the research and exercise your right and responsibility to vote, no matter who you vote for. I've basically remained neutral...but I don't think that is something we can do any longer. If you listen to the loudest voices in our society right now, we as Christians should keep our beliefs out of our politics. We are told to keep quiet, and if we do on occasion try to speak up for biblical truths we are told that our words are hateful and bigoted. As a result, most of us have listened. We've pretty much agreed to sit down and shut up. It's past time for us to stand u...
Post a Comment
Read more