Memorial Day 2022

 May this Memorial Day serve as a time to renew your dedication to the restoration of our nation as the beacon of hope it used to be to the rest of the world. May we all dedicate ourselves to living lives that honor those who gave their lives to defend and preserve our nation.

Stand for truth,
refuse to cower,
honor equality over equity,
value justice,
and remember our rights are from God, not men.

"He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?"
(Micah 6:8)

Uvalde

 I wish I had more than words to offer. I wish I could somehow take the pain of families in the midst of unbelievable agony right now, that I could somehow offer them hope and comfort. More than anything, I wish I could give those parents back their babies and bring back the heroic teachers who tried to shield their students.

This world is broken, and sometimes it's made painfully obvious by people who do unspeakable evil.

In these moments, everyone is searching for answers. Everyone wants to figure out something to do, something that will somehow stop the hurting. We try to find meaning in the unimaginable, try to make sense of an atrocious act.

Can I offer some advice? If you know these families--or anyone facing grief--you don't have to offer answers. You don't have to come up with reasons. You don't have to try to find the silver lining or the lesson to be learned. Don't turn their tragedy into a talking point or something political. Instead, just sit with them in their grief. Cry with them. Listen to them. Let them rant. Let them question. Let them tell stories. Try, for whatever time you're around them, to at least share the weight of their grief, because though it is unimaginable to those of us who haven't gone through it, thieir grief is something we are called to help bear.

So in your own time, pray for them. Pray for comfort from the One who understands their pain, the One who watched His own innocent Son slain at the hands of the wicked. Pray that each breath they take will be a little less painful--and pray they will regain the desire to draw those breaths. Pray that they will have people to lean on when their legs won't hold them up anymore and people to help with the day to day stuff that has to be done but just seems meaningless right now. Pray that they will be granted sleep and rest, things that are hard to come by in the grips of grief. Pray that their broken hearts will be mended instead of becoming stone, because it's a lot easier to let your heart get hardened than it is to deal with the pain of it healing. Pray that their sadness is eventually eclipsed by the beauty of happy memories, that they will have moments when something they recall makes them smile through the tears.

And months from now, when the rest of the world has gone on spinning, reach out. Make sure they know the ones they love aren't forgotten. And remind them that God is near to the brokenhearted. He will one day give them beauty to take the place of ashes and joy to replace mourning...

...but until then, He will be with them in the pain.

After all, it is I, the Eternal One your God,
        who has hold of your right hand,
    Who whispers in your ear,
“Don’t be afraid. I will help you.”
(Isaiah 41:13)

expectations

I heard an excerpt from a Christian podcast a few days ago and it hit me wrong. Two women were talking and one said something along the lines of, "I wish I had lowered my expectations for my children." She went on to explain how that was the better, more loving thing to do--how we should make it a point to welcome people just as they are and reassure them that however they show up is good enough.

I call bull (sorry if you think that's too blunt).

Maybe it's the years I've been in education, but there's not much that makes me more frustrated about parental behavior than parents who have low expectations for their kids. I sat in a conference once where I listened to a mom talk about all the things her daughter wasn't capable of. I could only watch the tears welling in the 14-year old girl's eyes for so long before I spoke up, and I'll never forget the look on her face when I chimed in with what I thought she was capable of. I've been on the receiving end of rants from parents who couldn't believe I wouldn't let their kids turn in assignments weeks late, who told me it was teachers like made them worried about the future of education. I've listened to kids talk about how it wasn't a big deal to have a broken iphone because their parents would just replace it again. I've had parents tell me I had no right to take a cell phone away in class (despite school rules specifying I was to do exactly that). I've heard parents fume about it not being their job to make sure their kid is turning in assignments. I've listened to other moms cry about their kids' lack of effort and low grades, then watched them visibly cringe when I suggested grounding the kids from their cell phone or video games until the grades improved.

Parents, we have to have higher expectations of our kids. Kids aren't dumb, and like most of the human race, they are pretty good at figuring out how to get away with doing the least amount of work required. As parents, it isn't our job to make life easy for our kids. Instead, it's our job to teach our children how to become responsible adults. In fact, it's a biblical mandate:

"Train up a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not depart from it."
(Proverbs 22:6, NKJV)

There are also a heck of a lot of verses about discipline, but I'll leave that hornet's nest alone for right now.

I can't tell you haw many conversations with my kids have included something along the lines of, "It's not my job to make you happy or be your friend. It's my job to do my best to make sure you become the person God created you to be."

There's an idea that seems to be floating around right now that whoever you are right now, in this moment, is who God created you to be. The idea is that you don't have to change, you're perfectly good enough just the way you are. The problem is, that's not biblical. Yes, God calls each of us to come to Him as we are, with all our scars and wounds and imperfections glaringly obvious. The thing is, He then calls us to change. My mom used to tell all of her kids (the 3 of us who were her biological kids and the countless others that she claimed as hers through all the years of children's church) "I love you too much to let you act like that." It seems we forget that while yes, God loves us just like we are, He loves us too much to let us stay that way.

As Paul wrote to the church in Philippi:

 ^"I’m not there yet, nor have I become perfect;
but I am charging on to gain anything and everything the Anointed One,
Jesus, has in store for me—and nothing will stand in my way
because He has grabbed me and won’t let me go.
Brothers and sisters, as I said, I know I have not arrived;
but there’s one thing I am doing: I’m leaving my old life behind,
putting everything on the line for this mission.
I am sprinting toward the only goal that counts:
to cross the line, to win the prize,
and to hear God’s call to resurrection life
found exclusively in Jesus the Anointed."
(Philippians 3:12-14)

We aren't good enough just like we are, and neither are our kids. Yes, we need to love our kids like God loves us. That doesn't mean making excuses for them. It doesn't mean ignoring when they mess up. It means providing the guidance and discipline that God provides for us. It means raising them up to become who God has created them to be by sometimes being the refining fire that cleans away the imperfections in the gold, or to remember that "iron sharpens iron" in our dealings with them.

That doesn't mean we expect perfection. As we strive to demonstrate an earth example of God's heavenly love, we have to also demonstrate His grace. But it does mean that we hold our children to high standards. It means we expect our kids to meet those expectations, and we don't make up their excuses for them when they fail to meet those expectations.

What do I mean by that? Well, kids are pretty much experts at coming up with excuses for why they did something they knew they weren't supposed to do or for not doing what they knew they were supposed to do. We don't need to give them any help. That means we don't need to say things like:

• "That teacher must not like you"
• "It doesn't matter what the deadline was for that assignment, I'll make sure your teacher has to give you a grade."
• "I'll make sure your coach doesn't bench you."
• "Math's too hard for you, it's okay." 

 I won't apologize for having high standards for my kids. In fact, I hope the expectations I have, as much as they frustrate my kids now, will push them to have higher expectations of themselves in the future. I hope they will realize that God's standards are what matter, and that nothing here on earth can ever compare to those. I want them to struggle with their imperfections and failings, because that's how we get better. I want them to see that all their efforts fall short of perfection, because it's only then that they will realize they can't become who they need to be on their own. Because like Paul reminded us:

"all have sinned
and fall short of the glory of God,
and all are justified freely by his grace
through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."
(Romans 3:23)