life. faithful.

Most of us have heard the Christmas story from Luke many times. I know I have--one of my favorite Christmas memories from all through the years is our family setting up the Nativity while Pop read the story of Jesus's birth from Luke. If you haven't read it in a while, I suggest you take a look at Luke 2:1-20 for a reminder. In John, though, we get a little different view. John doesn't tell us about the manger, the star, the shepherds, the angels, or the wisemen. Here's what he says: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through Him all things were made; without Him nothing was made that has been made. In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it. "There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might bel...

This morning at church, I was reminded just how big a fan I am of Peter. Pastor Don was talking about how we have two natures, the physical and the spiritual, and how mixed up it is that we spend the majority of our time and attention focusing on the physical nature. In Genesis we are told that God formed man from the dust of the ground (our physical side) and then breathed into him the breath of life (our spiritual side). Our physical side is temporary--we came from the dirt and one day we will all return to it. Our spiritual side, though, is eternal. God's breathed His Spirit into each of us at birth, and that spirit is the part of us that cannot be destroyed. How mixed up are we that we spend our time, energy, and money trying to satisfy the desires of our physical nature, so often at the expense of our spiritual nature? In John, Jesus is preaching to a huge crowd of approximately 5,000 men. That's not even starting to take into consideration all the women and kids ...

Charlotte Bacon, 6, (F) Daniel Barden, 7, (M) Rachel Davino, 29, (F) Olivia Engel , 6, (F) Josephine Gay, 7, (F) Ana M. Marquez-Greene, 6 (F)  Dylan Hockley, 6 (M) Dawn Hochsprung, 47 (F) Madeleine F. Hsu, 6, (F)  Catherine V. Hubbard , 6, (F)  Chase Kowalski, 7, (M) Jesse Lewis, 6,  (M) James Mattioli, 6, (M) Grace McDonnell, 7, (F)  Anne Marie Murphy, 52 (F)  Emilie Parker, 6 (F) Jack Pinto, 6, (M) Noah Pozner, 6, (M) Caroline Previdi, 6, (F) Jessica Rekos, 6, (F) Avielle Richman, 6 (F)  Lauren Rousseau, 30, (F) Mary Sherlach, 56, (F)  Victoria Soto, 27 (F) Benjamin Wheeler, 6, (M) Allison N. Wyatt , 6 (F) ...there are no words. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. " ~Romans 8:26

I'm a music fanatic--through the good and bad times in my life, it seems there has always been a song that just somehow fits. For a little background (and to make an incredibly long story short), I'm in one of those places right now where I'm not really sure what's going on. I'm in grad school and looking at the fact that if I'm going to make it through this program I'm going to have to shift my priorities. I've been wondering if this is what I need to do and praying for clarity and peace about whether or not I've made the right decision in being here. I look back and keep saying, "What if I had..." Well, on my drive to class this morning I was listening to an old cd I found in the glove box yesterday. It was SheDaisy, and the song, "Now" came on. The first verse says, If I could be 13 again To live with no regret I could still be president And I could feel my  dad as he's holding me In his arms not in my dre...

What do you do when you're totally level-headed, feet planted firmly on the ground,      but your heart wants to fly? I've always been a realist. You know the type--always saying things like, "That would be great, but it's just not plausible." I'm in grad school for physics--good grief, how much more realistic can you get? When I get my degree in a few years and go back out to the real world, I'll have lots of doors opening for me. There will be good pay, regular hours, and everything that goes with those. My kids will be well provided for, my husband will finally be able to pursue his dreams, I'll be doing something that I know helps people, and I'll finally be able to pay back, in some small way, all those who have given so much to get me to this place. My brain sees all those things as good (well, duh--why wouldn't it?). The journey is all mapped out, and all the steps lead across solid ground. Sure there is the possibility for t...

So, school is crazy right now and I have so much physics I should be doing. I have a Modern Physics test  at 8:30 in the morning tomorrow, Quantum Mechanics and Classical Mechanics homework due Friday, a Classical Mechanics test I'll start Friday, Modern homework due next Tuesday... In true Mandy-style, then, I'm procrastinating. I realized it has been quite a while since I posted pictures of the most beautiful kids in the world, so I figured it must be time for picture overload!   A while back we took a trip up to Cabela's to show the kids where Nathan works. As you can see from the picture above, Raiden was her usual girly self and Conan was super excited to be going... oh wait, half of that statement may have been a bit sarcastic...   Once there, they were both pretty excited to see the giant grizzlies fighting over the antlers. So above we have the "before" Halloween picture. I was escorting Snow White and Batman this year. Below is the aft...

"God works in mysterious ways." "It must have just been God's will." How many times have you heard those statements? I know I have; too many times to count. Most of the time they're said in response to a tragedy or when something else terrible happens. It seems like so many times as Christians we are told that we aren't supposed to ask questions. We are supposed to take everything at face value without ever trying to dig any deeper. In Matthew 18:3 , Jesus tells us that we should have child-like faith. Most of the time this is equated with simplistic faith (which is partly why so many of my peers in the science world have such a hard time with Christianity). People point to children's faith in their parents as an example. Though there are obvious exceptions, most of the time children don't have to wonder if their parents love them. Children trust their parents to take care of them, and they have no doubt that their parents will live up ...

Sometimes it's easy to feel like our prayers don't go any higher than the ceiling. We don't feel like God is hearing us, and we definitely aren't hearing anything from Him. Have you ever felt like that? If you're honest, I imagine you'll say you have. I know I have. You know what? You aren't alone. Mother Teresa, a woman know the world over for her faith, told those close to her that her heart was broken because she felt like she was living silence for somewhere around five decades. Seriously. 50 years feeling like she wasn't hearing anything from God. Numbers vary, but Noah and his family were cooped up on the ark for somewhere around a year. I can't say for sure, but I imagine it is safe to say that they felt like God was being pretty silent there for a while. I don't know about you, but when I feel like that I just want to quit. I get this thought in my head that apparently God doesn't care about what I'm doing because H...

So, I told you that once I finished my homework I would post it here for you to see. Well, here you go! ***** I believe that God is the Almighty Creator, the One who spoke this complex yet somehow incredibly simple universe into existence out of nothing ( Hebrews 11:3 ), through the power of His Word who is Christ Jesus ( John 1:1-3 ). I believe that God made us in His image ( Genesis 1:26&27 ), but through our sins we have fallen way below the bar of perfection that He set for us, and in ourselves we are incapable of pleasing Him ( Romans 5:12, 8:8 ). Despite all our failings, though, He still loves us. In fact, He loves us so much that He gave us His Word; both through the Scriptures which were spoken by God ( II Timothy 3:16&17 ) and have the ability to cut us to the quick to reveal the true thoughts of our hearts ( Hebrews 4:12 ); and through the Son, Jesus, who left His seat next to the Father and took on the fragile, weak, humble body of a man who would be slain as t...

Okay, so first an apology to those of you who actually look for me to post--I haven't written anything on here since the middle of the month. Ouch. So I guess that whole consistency thing went out the window there for a while, huh? Sorry about that. Now, since I haven't written on here in so long it makes perfect sense for me to ask you to do something, right? ...Well, we'll pretend like that's not a totally crazy assumption on my part and I'll give you a challenge, anyway :0) So here's some backstory: Nathan and I have been looking for a church home since we moved up to Toledo in July. We tried out a few places first, but hadn't really found a fit. It was one thing trying out churches back when it was just the two of us. We could just find out what time the service started, walk in, and sit down. The biggest struggle would be trying not to sit in anybody's spot (you know what I mean...somehow it seems like we all end up with assigned seat...

I just got a 52% on my first test in modern physics (which, by the way, was also my first test in my grad school career). How painful is that? The crazy thing is, I'm not totally devastated by it like you would think. I know, pretty surprising, right? I think it goes back to when I went back to school in 2008--my first undergrad test in physics was, coincidentally, my first test being back in undergrad. It was in Dr. Hemmati's Physics II class, the first semester of electricity and magnetism stuff. I got something like a 43% on that test, and I questioned everything I was doing. I remember telling Nathan I needed to just drop out of school and find a job flipping burgers because there was no way I would make it through. This time, though, things are different. Yes, that 52% hurts ( a lot ). Mostly, though, it gives me something to overcome. I have this trait of wanting a fight, wanting something to push me into being better. Hmm, maybe that's why God ha...

Things are crazy right now. Classes are insanely hard (when Dr. Musser told me grad school would knock me off my feet, he definitely knew what he was talking about...). Nathan is sick, and has been for about a week. Kids are just plain crazy, as would be expected of a 3 year old and an almost 6 year old ( hard to believe my baby girl is going to be 6 in 2 months! ).   I crochet anytime we're watching t.v. (in part because it keeps me awake). When I get a spare minute, I try to write on the second part of my Sons of Tundyel story. I'm attempting to put together query letters and submissions to send out the first part of my story.      As an aside, according to his biography on Acheivement.org John Grisham's first novel, A Time to Kill, was rejected by 28 publishers before being given a chance by an unknown publishing house. It sold 5,000 copies. His next book was The Firm and it sold more than 7 million copies and spent 47 weeks on the best selle...

How often do you hear people say that something is awesome? It seems everything is awesome these days: pizza the weather a t.v. show books the new quarterback a rollercoaster... The list goes on--just about anything and everything is described as being awesome. There's even a cheer: A-W-E-Some, Totally Awesome! Are those things awesome, though? What, exactly, makes something awesome? Webster says that awesome means "inspiring awe." Thanks, Web, but that definition doesn't do us a whole lot of good. Digging a little deeper, then, what is awe? awe: n . fear mingled with admiration or reverence. synonyms: fright, wonder, reverential fear Looking back at that list, how many of those things actually inspire awe? I used to use "awesome" to describe all the things I listed and a whole lot more. A few years ago, though, I heard somebody talk about the true meaning of "awesome." They argued that we should rethink the use of the wor...

Have you ever had one of those moments that make you question everything you're doing? I'm in the middle of one now. This is one of those times where I start questioning why in the world I ever thought I could get a PhD in physics. My homework grades are pretty dismal (in the classes I've had homework from), and I'm not understanding half of what's being said in class. This morning, I couldn't even do a few simple derivatives... To top it off, I haven't been able to write since Friday. The (possibly incredibly telling) thing is, what I'm the most frustrated about is the fact that I haven't been writing--probably not the best thing when I'm attempting to get a PhD in physics, huh? I'm a bit stressed at the moment because I really don't like the idea of not being able to do something...and that's what I'm facing right now with this degree. Guess I'll just hang in there and wait and see what in the world I am doing i...

Dear Diary, They told me I got a sponsor, some family from the United States. The workers at the center seemed really happy, so I guess I should be, too, but I really don't know what to think. What in the world is a sponsor? They say this family cares about me, that they want to see me go to school and stay healthy. The question I want to ask someone but don't really know how to is this: Why? Why does someone on the other side of the world care what happens to me? What does it matter to this family whether I eat today or not? I mean, I've never met these people--why did they choose me? My parents were so excited when they found out. They started hugging everybody and smiling really big. They told me that this is proof that God is watching out for me, that He cares about my future. Can that be why these people have sponsored me? Maybe they are God's way of showing me that He knows the hard times my family is going through right now, and that He has a plan for...

Three lessons I've learned since last Saturday:   1) Having a degree doesn't necessarily mean you know anything. ~I have a Bachelor's of Science in Physics. I was previously under the impression that that meant I knew something about physics. Then, I took the written Qualifying Exam for my PhD program. Yeah, it really was that bad . I can see you out there shaking your head, the expression on your face saying, "I'm sure she didn't do as bad as she thinks; she never does." Well, all I can say is that you'll have to take my word for it on this one! 2) It isn't much fun feeling like an idiot. ~I also took the oral QE this week. Most of the things they asked would definitely be considered the basics of physics, things I remember learning once upon a time. I guess maybe I shouldn't say learning, since apparently I only "learned" them for the length of time that it took to pass the test. I walked out of the room Monday night not...

So many times, I get the feeling that I'm trying to split myself into too many pieces. I'm trying to divide myself into different parts: The Mom --this side of me is supposed to be entirely focused on my kids. This is the part that is supposed to kiss hurts and listen to fears and correct wrong behaviors and ensure order at home. This is the part that is responsible for making sure my kids are bathed and fed and rested and growing and happy. The Wife --this part is supposed to be supporting and encouraging my husband. This side is supposed to make sure he gets what he needs to be the leader, father, and man God wants him to be. This is the part that is supposed to make sure the house he comes home to at the end of the day is truly a home--safe, comfortable, loving, and a place of refuge. The Student --this is the side that is supposed to be studying in every spare minute, the part that is expected to hold intelligent conversations with PhDs. This side is supposed to unde...

I've been reading this book by Beth Guckenberger. In it she talks about having a reckless faith, one that isn't afraid to step out of the boat despite the waves. This morning before class, I came across a verse she used in her story: " I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand " (Isaiah 42:6a) It wasn't really where she was going with the verse in her story, but in my story what immediately popped into my head was the picture of me grabbing hold of the hand of one of my kids. Raiden and Pa I'm sure you have a sweet picture in your mind of strolling hand in hand with a child, maybe your hands swinging between the two of you, both heading peacefully the same direction, right? While that's a wonderful picture, that's not really what popped into my head. Instead, what I thought of instead was of those times that I've grabbed one of my kids by the hand and they've immediately started trying to tug...