life. faithful.

Dear Diary, They told me I got a sponsor, some family from the United States. The workers at the center seemed really happy, so I guess I should be, too, but I really don't know what to think. What in the world is a sponsor? They say this family cares about me, that they want to see me go to school and stay healthy. The question I want to ask someone but don't really know how to is this: Why? Why does someone on the other side of the world care what happens to me? What does it matter to this family whether I eat today or not? I mean, I've never met these people--why did they choose me? My parents were so excited when they found out. They started hugging everybody and smiling really big. They told me that this is proof that God is watching out for me, that He cares about my future. Can that be why these people have sponsored me? Maybe they are God's way of showing me that He knows the hard times my family is going through right now, and that He has a plan for...

Three lessons I've learned since last Saturday:   1) Having a degree doesn't necessarily mean you know anything. ~I have a Bachelor's of Science in Physics. I was previously under the impression that that meant I knew something about physics. Then, I took the written Qualifying Exam for my PhD program. Yeah, it really was that bad . I can see you out there shaking your head, the expression on your face saying, "I'm sure she didn't do as bad as she thinks; she never does." Well, all I can say is that you'll have to take my word for it on this one! 2) It isn't much fun feeling like an idiot. ~I also took the oral QE this week. Most of the things they asked would definitely be considered the basics of physics, things I remember learning once upon a time. I guess maybe I shouldn't say learning, since apparently I only "learned" them for the length of time that it took to pass the test. I walked out of the room Monday night not...

So many times, I get the feeling that I'm trying to split myself into too many pieces. I'm trying to divide myself into different parts: The Mom --this side of me is supposed to be entirely focused on my kids. This is the part that is supposed to kiss hurts and listen to fears and correct wrong behaviors and ensure order at home. This is the part that is responsible for making sure my kids are bathed and fed and rested and growing and happy. The Wife --this part is supposed to be supporting and encouraging my husband. This side is supposed to make sure he gets what he needs to be the leader, father, and man God wants him to be. This is the part that is supposed to make sure the house he comes home to at the end of the day is truly a home--safe, comfortable, loving, and a place of refuge. The Student --this is the side that is supposed to be studying in every spare minute, the part that is expected to hold intelligent conversations with PhDs. This side is supposed to unde...

I've been reading this book by Beth Guckenberger. In it she talks about having a reckless faith, one that isn't afraid to step out of the boat despite the waves. This morning before class, I came across a verse she used in her story: " I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand " (Isaiah 42:6a) It wasn't really where she was going with the verse in her story, but in my story what immediately popped into my head was the picture of me grabbing hold of the hand of one of my kids. Raiden and Pa I'm sure you have a sweet picture in your mind of strolling hand in hand with a child, maybe your hands swinging between the two of you, both heading peacefully the same direction, right? While that's a wonderful picture, that's not really what popped into my head. Instead, what I thought of instead was of those times that I've grabbed one of my kids by the hand and they've immediately started trying to tug...

...and a beg for prayers, actually. First off, I make my first attempt at the PhD qualifying exam tomorrow. That's not a huge deal, though, because this first attempt is a freebie and doesn't count against me if (read as "when") I mess up on it. I'm still a bit nervous about it, though, so prayers for calmness tomorrow would be greatly appreciated. Along the same lines, I have my oral qualifier on Monday, so those prayers would be great then, too! What really has me asking for prayers, though, is what also has my hands shaking as I type (which, as you can imagine, makes things a bit difficult). I just took a huge leap of faith and sent off a query letter for my story. It will be a couple weeks before I hear anything and it is completely out of my hands now, I know, but that doesn't stop my nerves... This is a huge step on my path to chasing my dreams...I'm both hopeful and scared to death right now, I can assure you. Never in my life have I experi...

One of the blogs I follow is written by a guy named Jeff Goins (yes, for those of you who know me, I did originally read his blog because of his last name--but I keep reading for the writing). His latest post in which he writes a letter to his teenage self inspired my own, so here goes...   Dear teenage me, I know how stubborn you are and how you are convinced that you need to figure everything out for yourself, but I'm going to give you some advice anyways. See? That stubbornness thing doesn't go away any time soon... First off, it's okay that you don't always fit in. You have a great group of girls you do fit with, though, and you need to keep them close. Trust me, you'll regret it if you let those friendships slip away. Take the time to enjoy high school. I know you want to grow up and head off to college and just stop all this "kid stuff," but you need to realize that these days are good. You have been blessed in so many ways that...

"Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it." ~Psalm 34:14 seek: to go in search of; to ask for; to try to acquire or gain pursue: to find or employ measures to obtain or accomplish; to chase turn from: to direct one's attention away from something Sometimes I want peace to just "come with the territory" of faith. I mean, if you know deep down that God is in control and that He will work for the good in everything that happens in your life, peace should just be a given, right? This verse, though, puts a bit of a different light on things. Peace isn't something we just get by default--it is something we are told to search out, to chase after. And the first thing we have to do? Make a 180-degree turn from evil, the thing that is stealing our peace. I imagine just about everybody has something that is stealing their peace. So in my life right now, the thing that is stealing my peace is worrying about grad school. Guess that means...

  This has been an eventful week for us... Tuesday, 4 September, was the first day of Kindergarten for Raiden. She was super excited Tuesday morning--she sat straight up in bed and asked me, "Is this the day we get to go to school?" They wear uniforms, which was a bit of an adjustment for me but doesn't seem to phase her... It was also the first official day of preschool for Conan, even though he's been at daycare for a couple of weeks. You can see by his face that he wasn't quite as excited as big sister! When I picked them up after school, I was all ready to hear what Raiden had to say. I expected something...I don't know, I guess just something. Raiden's answer? "It was great!" No other explanation needed, apparently, because she had nothing else to say. Guess I'll just be happy with the fact that she liked it, huh?   We also got new beds for the kids this week. They got lofts, which is working out pretty well so f...