just be held

I heard a new song yesterday (well, I don't know how "new" it really is, but it was new to me). I've always been a music person--it seems like there is a song to go with everything that happens in life. There was a song line that stood out to me when my brother was killed, songs that seemed to describe every crush I had when I was a teenager, songs that make me think of my kids, the song Nathan played for me that first had me falling in love with him...and everything in between.

You know what's pretty amazing?
God knows how our minds work.

He knows how much songs mean to me, so from time to time I fully believe that He speaks to me through them.

Take the song I heard yesterday. I looked up the lyrics and copied and pasted them onto facebook, but I didn't really have time to read them then. Yesterday, I have to admit, was a bit rough (which might be an understatement), and I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed. As I've said, I'm a much better writer than I am a speaker, so when I needed to talk to God I did it through writing. I've found I can focus more on God and what I need to say to Him when I write. I don't slip into those prayers that sound something like, "Dear God, I'm really struggling with everything that's going on right now. I'm overwhelmed, and dealing with so much...and I still need to make dinner tonight. What do I have in the fridge right now that we would all eat? I really need to go to the grocery store. I should make a list this time. Last time I got too many things that didn't really go together..."

Please tell me I'm not the only one who prays like that sometimes.

Anyways--back to the song (I guess I get sidetracked when I write, too).
This morning, I woke up about 20 minutes before the alarm was set to go off. I got up, still frustrated over the night before. For some reason, it occurred to me that I had time to copy those lyrics into my notebook, so that's what I did. Here's what I copied down:
Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on.
And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go.

*So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on, and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held.*

If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and always will.
And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands.       ~from "Just Be Held" by Casting Crowns

That's not quite the whole song, but you guys--how amazing is that?
I know I'm stubborn. I know I try so hard to hang on to control of my life, even though I've seen over and over again just how that works out for me.

So this morning, after my written prayer last night asking God where He was and why I'm so overwhelmed with everything right now, He gave me His words through a Casting Crowns song.

photo from http://adamsartgallery.com/art-from-ashes/

When I look around and see ashes, I have to remember that He is using those ashes to paint a beautiful picture. I just have to wait to see how it unfolds.