life. faithful.

When we first moved to the farm, I tried to grow a garden. I had big plans for fresh veggies, and I planted a lot: tomatoes, peppers, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and honeydew. The lady we bought the property from had scattered seed for lettuce. I harvested a handful of tomatoes, a single head of broccoli, maybe two honeydews, and a lot of the lettuce...the one thing that I didn't plant. I guess I should have known how it would work out. When I was in school I helped my mom plant flower bulbs along our front walk. Not a single thing that I planted even so much as sprouted. Mom told me that I have a "black thumb" instead of a green thumb...so there's that. It hasn't changed a lot as I've gotten older. I killed a cactus. I've had a peace lily and a pothos both die at my hand (yes, I know--the easiest house plants to grow). I don't know a whole lot about growing plants, but I do know one thing: if you want a plant to grow, you need to water it. ...

Dear God, I hear You--really, I do. I'm sorry that I haven't been listening, but thank You for repeating Yourself over and over (and over...) so that it finally got through my thick skull. Remember, I tend to be a " lesson from a 2x4 " girl. The subtle stuff tends to get lost on me, even though it would be a lot easier if I could just learn to hear You when You whisper. You keep telling me to let go, and I don't know why I find that so incredibly hard to do. Everything and everyone around me lately is reminding me that I need to stop worrying and start trusting. I know You're greater than anything I can imagine. I know that Your promises are true. I know all the right words and all the Sunday School answers... ...but I've realized that I must not truly know You, because I haven't been truly trusting You. If I knew You, I would know that my fears are pointless and unfounded. I would know that You have me --You've written me on the palms...

I'm a stubborn and highly independent person. I want to always be able to do everything myself, and I've been that way since I was little. I hate having to rely on anybody else for anything--if I'm not capable of taking care of whatever needs to be done on my own, then I make it my goal to figure out how to do it. Sometimes that's a good thing. Sometimes, though, it gets me into trouble. I've talked quite a bit about how I have a hard time trusting. The thing is, lately I've realized that my issue isn't with trust, exactly. Instead, what I have a hard time doing is giving up control. When things start to go wrong, I grab on a little tighter. When life knocks me for a loop and I slide down to the end of my rope, I put all my strength into holding on with everything I've got. But what if I'm not supposed to hold on? We drive by Rule Baptist Church on Sunday mornings, and last week this is what their sign says: At the end of your rope is t...

The first time I ever remember Pop getting mad at me, I was sitting in a tree. I can't tell you exactly how old I was, but it was early elementary school some time. I was on a limb, wanting to get down, so Pop reached up for me and told me to jump. I wouldn't. He kept telling me to jump, assuring me that he would catch me--I had nothing to worry about. All I needed to do was let go of the limb and push myself forward. Instead, I was in tears, sitting in a tree. No matter how many times Pop assured me that he would catch me, I couldn't do it. He had never let me down, never given me a reason to think he would let me fall. I couldn't just trust him. Trust. That's something I still struggle with, despite all my efforts. I know that God is worthy of my trust. I know His promises are true, and that when His word says that He guides my steps--well, that's true, too. The problem is, I just can't get my feelings to line up with my knowledge. We just fin...

"Those who trust in their wealth are headed for great disappointment, but those who do right will sprout like green leaves in the spring." Proverbs 11:28 Spring doesn't last forever. Life isn't always full of cool breezes, bright sunshine, and new flowers. Instead, spring only comes after the winter. New life only follows after the old life has died. Green leaves come after the cold winds, after the trees have had to stand against the barren winter. Too often, it seems people think the Christian life should be one of ease and comfort. We have the thought that God's promises mean that our reward starts here and now--our work should pay off and our every effort should be blessed. We even hear it preached--God wants us healthy, wealthy, and wise. It's the prosperity gospel in a nutshell. Yes, we are promised new life--but that only comes after the old life has died. We are promised the spring, but that doesn't mean that we won't have to ...

Grief is a funny thing sometimes. This year was the first year I wasn't in classes on the anniversary of Michael's death. I thought that was going to make it really hard--I wouldn't have anything to distract me, and usually that means my mind goes into overdrive. The thing is, that didn't really happen. I have to admit, it felt a little strange when I thought about it. I felt a little guilty, to be honest, because it was almost as if that day came and went without the memory of Michael's death bothering me. And then my thinking changed--maybe it was a good thing. Maybe I was learning how to deal with the loss (after 14 years...I know that may sound crazy, but it really is just a start for me, even after all this time). So that was a Wednesday. Sunday rolled around, and I wasn't thinking about anything that had to do with August 15th. It was a normal Sunday morning at church. We started with coffee, breakfast, and doughnuts while everyone sat around and ta...

In the Garden of Eden, God put everything in place to take care of His creation. He gave us the fruit of every tree except one--the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Satan knows Scripture, and he knows humanity. He twisted God's command, playing into the idea that God is keeping the good stuff from us and setting up a list of rules we have to follow. He preyed on human pride-- you are smart enough to decide right from wrong; you don't need God to tell you what to do. With the fruit from that first tree, sin entered the world. ...it all hinges on a tree. The blood poured from the raw, open flesh on Jesus' back and soaked into the wood of the cross that He was forced to carry to Golgotha. The sacrificial Lamb took on the weight of all the sins of mankind and carried that burden to a second tree. His death bridged the gap between humanity and God that had been created when sin entered the world. With His death on that tree, sin was paid for. ...it all hinges o...

Dogs are pretty incredible. It doesn't take much to make them happy--the smallest pat on the head, and they're good. Our two follow us everywhere, even when it is 95 degrees and sunny and they would be much more comfortable hanging out in the shade with the goats. They go blackberry picking with me, even though they don't eat blackberries. Stella is on my heels first thing in the morning when I go up to milk, and she follows me back to the barn every evening. Knute thinks the best place in the world is beside me. I don't have to convince them to follow. I don't have to tell them where I'm going or what my plan is. If I get on to them, they know they've done something wrong and want nothing more than to please me again. "Good dog" makes their day. They greet me with tails wagging every time I come home, no matter how much (or how little) time has passed. They would follow me into danger if I told them to, even though they wouldn't understan...

First of all, whether you like it or not, "my kids" is how I will always think of you. No matter where you go in life or what you do, keep that in the back of your head. Hear my voice telling you "You're better than that" when you're thinking about doing something dumb, or "I knew you could figure it out" when you've pushed your way through to doing something spectacular that nobody else noticed. My first year of teaching was hard, and when I left those kids it broke my heart a little. So when I started teaching you guys, I told myself that I would keep my distance. But then, you all pushed aside the barriers I had put in place like they were nothing. It didn't take long for you all to get into my heart. I know I frustrated you beyond belief by saying, "I don't know--what do you think?" when you asked me questions in class. I hope you know that I said that because I had faith in you and knew you could figure it out if you...

Why is God waiting? Why does He watch this world as it falls apart, just sitting back while it spins out of control? Why does He let bad things happen? why doesn't Jesus just come back already? In the midst of all the chaos and unrest and fear, God is still at work. He is there with those who are in the fire. He is there with those who sink down into the pit. He is there when the earth shakes or when the flood waters rush in or when the stars fall from the heavens. Because the thing is, if even one soul turns to Him in that moment, it was worth it. If one person sees the waves crashing around him and cries out like Peter did, "Lord , save me!" then who are we to say that God should have held back the flood waters? Or, on a more personal side, if there was one single person who was drawn to God's side in part due to my brother's death, who am I to say that God should have spared him on that August day in Najaf? I know where my brother ended up. Why would ...

I have high hopes for you. I don't wish you fame and fortune, and I hope that's not what you spend your life chasing. Instead, I wish you a good life. I don't mean an easy life. Easy lives have a tendency to make weak people. I wish you enough hard times to help you develop the grit you will need to become a strong person. Helen Keller once said, "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."  I wish you people who will stand against you, because it is only then that you truly develop an appreciation for the people who stand beside and behind you. I wish you times that knock you flat on your face, because sometimes those are the only times that remind you of the importance of being on your knees before God. I wish you boredom, because it is only when time seems to slow down that you take the time to look around you and notice the b...

Have you ever prayed for rescue? I don't mean a nice, neat, "Dear God, please help me get through..." prayer wrapped up with a pretty "Amen." I'm talking about a gut-wrenching, tears streaming, no real words forming type of prayer, one without any real sentences and that's poured out in between sobs. I've cried and begged, full of the knowledge of God's power. I know that He is the One who has the ability to control everything that happens around me. If He can speak this universe with all its intricacies into existence, it would be simple for Him to put a stop to whatever it is I'm needing to be rescued from--whether it is physical, emotional, financial, or psychological. I know that He can reach down and pull me out of any bad situation, so I pour out my heart to Him through one of those ugly cries, begging for Him to take away the pain. And if God hears me, if He is truly listening and if He's truly good, He'll swoop in and res...

You're a basketball coach. You got into the field because you wanted the chance to work with kids, to give back by helping kids develop into the people you know they are capable of being (because let's face it--coaches do so much more than shape players. They shape teenagers into the young men and young women they will become.). You know the superstars will be few and far between, but that's okay. You're happy to spend most of your time helping your players develop the basic skills they'll need to be effective on the court. You know that they can't move forward to accomplish big things unless they grasp the fundamentals. Over time, though, something changes. Instead of having players who understand responsibility and the importance of self-discipline, your players start getting lazy. They stop coming to open gym and shooting around to practice on their own simply because that takes extra effort that they really don't feel like putting in. Basketball just ...

I was at the park one day, watching my kids play. They were enjoying rolling around in the grass, climbing & jumping off the rope tower, running, and simply being loud. I sat on a bench nearby, letting them be kids. A little boy ran by and then sat down in the middle of some clover and started looking for that perfect one . Almost immediately, his mom swooped in. "We don't sit on the grass--it's dirty," she said, pulling the hand sanitizer out of her bag. He was crushed. I can't say for sure, but it wouldn't surprise me if he had been searching for the perfect clover to show his mom. That same day, I watched parents who stood right beside their kids the whole time. They were there in case of the smallest bobble, intent on catching them before they fell. After all, it would be horrible for that precious little one to get a scraped knee or a bruise, right? Parents seem to swoop in at the slightest sign of trouble (or even when there isn't any re...