women, can we chat?

There's been something that's bugged me for a long time but I've put off writing about it because I know I'm going to step on some toes.

I know looks are a touchy subject for us. I'm not immune from the insecurities, let me tell you. When I look in the mirror, I see each and every flaw--every tiny thing I think is "wrong" with my looks or that I'm bugged by. I won't wear a shirt if it touches me in the wrong places. I'm definitely not a fan of being in a swimsuit, even though I love swimming and would live in the water every summer if I could. I gave up wearing my contacts--not because they bothered me, but because my little boy very innocently told me one day, "You look a lot younger when you wear your glasses, because then I can't see the wrinkles around your eyes."

Boys. Good grief.

But my goodness, ladies, can we please stop posting highly edited pictures on social media? You know the ones--beauty filters that erase every imperfection and make us look like we did decades ago.

Take this one:

 I took that picture on vacation this summer while I was playing around with the photo settings on my phone. There's nothing inherently wrong with it...in fact, it was kind of fun to see myself at 20 again. But to be honest, the only reason that picture even still exists is because my photos automatically upload to Shutterfly so I can make our family yearbook each year (a great way to have some physical pictures if you're like me and always seem to only have digital pictures, but I digress). I deleted it from my phone when we got home because it really wasn't good for anything other than a laugh.

Compare that to this one:

 

I can't say that it's my favorite picture. I look at it and see the lines I wish weren't there. I look tired.

But you know what? I'm a 42-year old mom of 5 teenagers, dealing with all the chaos and craziness that entails. I have lines on my face because I've laughed a lot, frowned a lot, cried a lot, frowned a lot (did I say that already?), yelled at a lot of ballgames, and smiled a lot. Did I mention frowned a lot? Because that's why I have that lovely "11" in lines between my eyebrows...

You can't see it in that picture, but I'm getting quite a bit of shiny silver in my hair. Those things aren't like regular hairs--they seem to have minds of their own, sticking out all over the place and curling when the ones around them don't.

I don't weigh what I did 20 years ago, but that's because this body has grown 2 humans. There are stretch marks and a belly to show it, too. This body has carried me through late nights studying, early mornings milking, sitting in the bleachers at countless basketball games and track meets, traipsing back and forth across cross country courses, staying up all night with sick kids, hauling 50-pound feed sacks, burning various parts of my hands and arms cooking dinners, bruises I can never seem to remember the source of...

The me in the second picture has lived quite a life in 42 years, experiencing things lots of people would never guess. I have gone through a lot and done a lot. 

And you know what? I have earned every scar, every line, every silver hair.

I also have 2 teenage daughters who are watching me. They may not say it, but they notice how I present myself. They notice how I talk about myself. They hear me telling them they don't have to look perfect, but what does it tell them if all I ever allow are "perfect" pictures? What does it show them if there's a filter on every picture of me? My girls are almost 18 and 20--despite what they may think now, they really aren't that far from smile lines and "11"s on their foreheads and wrinkles starting to show up around the corners of their eyes. Will they see those marks as things to be ashamed of?

Or will they have learned that those marks are signs of a life well lived? Will they see that there is beauty in the physical reminders of the years they have experienced? Will they be thankful for the body that carried them through everything? Will they see the silver hairs as reminders of the gift of time they've been gifted, a gift many other people have missed out on?

"Let your adornment be what’s inside—the real you,
the lasting beauty of a gracious and quiet spirit,
in which God delights."
(1 Peter 3:4)

Yes, the beauty filters are tempting. But can we please put the focus back where it belongs, on the beauty in which God delights? Show our daughters--and all the daughters out there--that beauty doesn't come from a filter.